Some cheaters should never be trusted again, but I would still encourage a consideration of grace, not just pure justice. So not only are you suffering the pain of your spouses initial issues and their affair you now are on defensive about your own behavior because obviously you indirectly caused your spouses infidelity.

Only in a very, very small percentage of cases does anyone benefit from the attempt except the therapist, who collects fees. It has totally changed my perspective on what I should expect in life, love and how I am treated, and while that is quite difficult to get my mind round right now I am so thankful I read this book. You had a Potemkin partner, but that doesn’t mean that plastic cutout person fronting a lie is a reflection on you. Great review - the only place I disagree is that I think Cheaters do it because they can is a truth, they may all have different reasons for cheating but somehow in someway they convince themselves that they can, either because they deserve it or it doesn't really matter or they think they won't get caught etc. People who rage and devalue others in angry ways have amygdalas that fire all the time,the amygdala controls the anger and fear responses in your emotional system.The “Infidelity is a symptom of larger marital issues” argument implies that if you “cure” the marriage, the infidelity will disappear.

Surely being guided by someone you know for 30 odd years through the final years of one life is better than taking a chance on a new love who’s faults have not surfaced yet. I put off reading it until I was in a better state of mind but I think it would have really helped to have read it as soon as possible.

I think I'm going to end up getting through it in one sitting and I'm probably also going to get the physical book too. If both partners are willing to do what is necessary in working toward change (and it takes two, not one), they will experience a satisfying outcome. Too many unfaithful spouses think that once they’ve “confessed” (often only after being caught), there should be quick forgiveness and then back to life as normal. Unfortunately, we live in a world of cheater-pologists who denounce such “black-and-white thinking” on the matter and insist there are good reasons for cheating and both partners must be at fault, just like we live in a world of people who like to ask rape victims what they were wearing.

Everybody warns against parental alienation, but Schorn isn't saying we should make this a value judgment just that we should be concise and factual. Just because someone tried to fuck with your reality doesn’t mean they succeeded in actually altering reality. Yes I understand the hurt pain and anguish but reinforcing this is a time of possible reconciliation if harmful.But what about the many couples I know (including ones I've worked with) who are now years past the infidelity and are experiencing marriages that are connected and satisfying to both of them? Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is for anyone who has ever been played for a fool, lied to, and left as carrion for the divorce lawyers. Some people struggle with love hunger which they use sex to try to fill or some people may be experiencing a rough time in their lives ( which includes job loss, depression, pregnancy/loss, death, sickness, loneliness, etc) or just getting too familiar with a coworker or someone of the opposite sex.