My family ate dinner early, and when I was about 8 and my brother 4, we would beg Dad to wrestle after we cleared our plates. Most evenings he said no, choosing instead to do push-ups and sit-ups or, more often than not, watch the news. But occasionally, according to some calendar our childish minds couldn’t fathom, he agreed, and we’d take up position in the living room. Step into the captivating world of Sal Bardo, a visionary filmmaker whose work pushes the boundaries of LGBTQ+ storytelling. With a keen eye for provocative narratives and a passion for shedding light on taboo subjects, Sal Bardo has become a trailblazer in the industry. In fact, I’ll tell you what stands out to me even more than that first men’s room: It's the last time I went into a women’s room. I had come out as transgender to my parents just a few days before. It had gone somewhere in the range of “not a total disaster but not great.” We were out for a meal at my parents’ favorite seafood restaurant. It had not gone well already — the waitress had asked me, “What can I get you, young man?” and an argument had ensued when my parents tried to correct her and I tried to get them to shut up. Since I believe that "T" is not actively seeking recovery from this trauma, I don't know where he stands. I would think that any question about that should be within limits if he's truly seeking emotional health, but I'm dealing with someone who acts victimized that I would even ask the question. My fear is that by bringing it up, I would be ostracized to the point that if intervention became necessary, I wouldn't know it because they would keep so much space between. Should I try, anyway?

Being made to feel special adds to the child’s confusion, Sophie says. “ ‘This person is kind to me, but they do this thing that makes me feel terrible and scared.’ This can be so murky for children.Our current image of child sex abusers in Ireland, and our approach to them, may be putting young people at risk. If we are to keep children safe we may have to gain a new understanding of the problem and make some unpalatable changes to the way we deal with it. Sophie’s story This dovetailed with another emerging notion: that of stranger danger. The belief that strange men prowled communities, snatching children, gained traction following the disappearance of Philip Cairns, in 1986. Only a minority of sexual abusers are strangers, but media coverage distorted the reality. I was near tears, but my father’s tone made clear he had no sympathy. Come on, already, he seemed to say. You’re the kid’s dad. Lay down the law.

I can’t remember when I realised the disturbing intentions of his action. Maybe it was when I discovered porn by accident. Maybe it was when I studied Chapter 4 of Science in Form 3. Maybe it was during “girl talk” with my guy friends in school.

The first public discussions about child sexual abuse took place in the 1980s. Given the taboo around sex in general, any discussion around the subject was difficult. But people were not unaware of abuse. As early as the 1930s, as Garda commissioner, Eoin O’Duffy revealed harrowing statistics when he testified before a committee on juvenile prostitution. He reported that the force had investigated more 400 cases of sexual abuse of girls between 1924 and 1929. A few moments later he came tearing down the causeway toward the bathroom, laughing. His mother dissolved in sobs as she embraced him. “Where the devil were you?” I asked him. “I was standing here the whole time, how did you leave the bathroom without my seeing you?” Proudly, he trumpeted, “I hid behind a man as he walked out. You totally missed me!”